TrekWeb Epic Miniseries -- The Teaser!

The Trailer:

There once was a girl...

Townswoman: Her name's Emma Peel.

(shows Emma Peel helping an old lady plant her garden)

Townsman: Everyone seems to like her.

...destined to be Queen...

Emma (quarreling with father): It's our duty as members of the royal family to help those in need!

Emma's father: You can't help everyone with every--

Emma (interrupting): And these people are in need.


(Pans over a large grassy field. Villagers are running away from three knights riding on black horses. All are wearing black armor.)

(One of the knights rushes forward and uses his sword to slice the head off of one of the villagers.)

(Pans back to the village. One of the villagers running from the knights runs to Emma Peel.)

Emma (concerned): What happened? Who did this to you?

Townsman (gasping for air): Knights...of the Dark Alliance. Killed...two more newbies.

Emma (furious): Killing off defenseless newbies...Why doesn't the King do anything about this?

(Pans over a gigantic castle; enters throne room. The King is sitting in the throne while the scribe, holding two tablets, displays them to him.)

Frizzymaster Scribe: Sire, two more newbies were slaughtered by the most Unholy ones. This makes ten in the last two weeks. You must show the people that you will do something to protect them!

King Krutzler, an old man: Scribe...There is nothing left within my power...I'm old...and weak.

Frizzymaster: How could you let this happen?

King Krutzler: O. Deus was...an old friend. Never dreamed he would...turn to evil...

(sounds of horses galloping; cuts to village; the dark knights are creating mayhem)

Townsman, running up to Emma: Emma Peel! They're coming for you!

(Emma's father comes into the hut, dressed in full armor)

Emma's father: Emma, you must escape. If you die, the royal line ends, and O. Deus will inherit the kingdom.

Emma: But father! I can't leave you here! They'll kill you!

Emma's father: Don't argue! Go now! I'll hold them off as long as I can!

Emma: But where will I go, father?

Emma's father (drawing sword): The woods. They're filled with people who have fled O. Deus' tyranny. They can help you.

Emma: Father...! I will miss you!

Emma's father: Go! Quickly!

(Pans out to view of forest, zooms in to show a band of Anonymous Cowards sitting around a campfire.)

(Upon hearing rustling in the bushes, the Old Coward draws his sword and stands up. The other Anonymous Cowards stand up.)

(Emma runs through the woods. The Anonymous Cowards sit down upon seeing her.)

Emma: Are you the--

Old Coward (Patrick Stewart): The Anonymous Cowards.

(pans over the band of Anonymous Cowards)

(cuts to later scene)

Old Coward: We...choose to remain faceless to protect ourselves from the shadow.

Emma: The Dark Alliance.

Old Coward: There will be a time when even our forest is overrun by their evil.

(cuts to later scene, Emma in front of entire band of Anonymous Cowards)

Emma: You can fight them! We must show them that we're still a part of humanity and our opinions do matter!

Anonymous Coward: I'm an Anonymous Coward! What possible difference can I make?!

Emma (leaning toward the Anonymous Coward): Let me teach you.

(cuts to training scene; "Everybody was Kung-Fu Fighting" plays in the background; Anonymous Cowards are fighting mechanical villains)

(one Anonymous Coward, tired, stops fighting and is punched by a dummy villain. Emma walks over to him and gets him on his feet.)

Emma: Never stop replying. Never give up.

Anonymous Coward (huffing and puffing. Nods.)

Emma: So why did you stop replying?

Anonymous Coward: I was tired.

Emma: Do you think Xaliphor cares if you're too tired to reply? Hmm?

Anonymous Coward (still huffing and puffing.)

Emma: Do you think that's air you're breathing now? (leans forward and raises eyebrows.) Hmm...


(Cuts to huge battle scene. Anonymous Cowards with wooden tools and catapults are waging a war against the black knights. Fire is everywhere.)

(Cuts to Old Coward talking to unseen person)

Old Coward: Who knows what we can accomplish...when we have a face.

(fades to black)

TrekWeb: The Epic Miniseries

Coming this fall to a theater near you.

TrekWeb: The Epic Miniseries (part 1)

Screenplay by RAMA, Cathy Gale, and Emma Peel

The following is a true story, based upon the events as we see them unfolding on TrekWeb.


(Still shot of Castle TrekWeb. The sky is completely covered with black clouds and rain. A bolt of lightning streaks across the sky.)

(Opens to the dungeon of the castle. O. Deus, a knight dressed in black armor and black cape stands impatiently in the middle of the dungeon holding a sword.)

(Suddenly, a knight dressed fully in gleaming silver armor walks down the dungeon steps. His entire head is covered in a shiny golden helmet with two golden horns on the sides. The silver knight is Berserker.)

O. Deus (hissing, as always): Berserker...How nice of you to accept my invitation.

(Berserker says nothing. He finishes climbing down the steps and takes out his golden sword.)

O. Deus: Have you nothing left to say?

Berserker: I never meant for it to be this way, Deus.

O. Deus: You should have left a long time ago.

Berserker: Don't force me to destroy you, Deus. There is still much that we can learn from each other. We can find a way to co-exist.

O. Deus: You're wrong. There is nothing left for you to teach me. The circle is now complete. Once, I was the learner...Now, I am the master.

Berserker: Only the master of Evil, Deus.

O. Deus (striking at Berserker with sword): What a lame reply. You have no real point to make, so you resort to personal attacks.

Berserker (blocking Deus' attack with own sword): You know you've left me with no choice but to destroy you.

(Deus sets up another attack and strikes)

Berserker (continually blocking and striking): You could have remained content to post at will, Deus...But now that you've started submitting your own episode reviews...

O. Deus: I always was better, Berserker.

Berserker: You've gone too far. The King may cast a blind eye to your Evil, but I never will. It's up to me to stop you before all of TrekWeb lies in ruins.

(O. Deus and Berserker continue to fight. They seem to reach a stalemate, when O. Deus pulls a dagger out of his gauntlet and swipes at a surprised Berserker.)

(O. Deus swipes at Berserker's right hand with his sword, knocking Berserker's sword out of his hand. Deus aims his sword pointfirst at Berserker's throat.)

Berserker: I always knew you had no honor.

O. Deus (cackling): You still cling to your worthless values.

(Berserker puts his hands to his golden helmet and removes it. He drops it to the floor and puts his arms at his sides.)

Berserker (staring intently at O. Deus' own masked face): Strike me down and I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.

O. Deus (confused): Is that true?

Berserker: Yes, it is. Please, strike me down. You definitely don't want to allow me to escape unharmed.

O. Deus: I shall consider it your last request.

(O. Deus cackles as he slices off Berserker's head.)
(Fade to black)


(Still shot of a village, then an inside view of a cottage.)
(Emma's father is sitting impatiently at a table almost completely covered with tablets. Emma Peel rushes in.)

Emma's father: Emma, you're late.

Emma: I was helping some old lady plant her garden again.

Emma's father: Emma, you have to take your duties more seriously! When your uncle and I are gone, you will be the Queen of all TrekWeb. Don't you want to be an educated queen?

Emma: Oh, father, King Krutzler will be around forever.

Emma's father: Oh, God, I hope not.

Emma: Father?

Emma's father: The tablets! Start reading tablets.

Emma: If all you want is for me to read tablets, why did you need to wait here for me?

Emma's father: Get to work on those tablets. I'll go outside and see if I can get that old lady to stop planting gardens.

(Suddenly, nobby, a knight dressed in full black armor, opens the door.)

Emma's father: Nobby! Where are your manners?

nobby: Yeah. Anyways, the King has posted a priority-one message. As members of the royal family, you both are required to read it.

Emma's father (taking the message and reading it): This post is signed by O. Deus, not the King.

nobby: I meant O. Deus.

Emma's father (eyeing the knight suspiciously): Of course. (stops after reading more of the post) Wait a minute! This post says we're required to bow before O. Deus as he passes?

nobby: You're just now getting to that part? You already read where it was signed at the bottom by O. Deus. How did you do that?

Emma's father: I like to skip around a lot when I'm reading.

Emma: I will not bow to that horrible man!

nobby: Shut up, troll.

Emma: You're the troll!

Emma's father: Emma, it's inevitable that you, as the young heroine, refuse to bow and such, but can't that wait until after my conversation with nobby is over?

Emma: I can't believe you're taking nobby's side!

Emma's father: It's not about sides. Besides, some of his posts are pretty funny.

nobby: You should learn to have some respect for the Second-In-Command, O. Deus. You, girl, have no official authority.

Emma: Well, you're just a stupid knight, and I'm practically a princess!

Emma's father: Emma, hush!

nobby (to Emma's father): Your daughter replies too much for her own good. One day...that will be her downfall.

Emma's father: Emma, go back to reading your tablets.

nobby: No, she has to read O. Deus' post first.

Emma's father: I basically read it out loud already.

nobby: I'm going to kill you.

Emma's father: What?

nobby: I didn't say anything.

Emma: You're just trying to cover up your obvious troll.

nobby: I'm not going to respond to any more of your replies. (nods to Emma's father) Good day.

(nobby leaves the cottage)

Emma: So are we going to bow to that wicked O. Deus or not?

Emma's father: Definitely not. That way, he'll have some slightly-justified way of having us killed later on.

Emma: I have to go read my tablets now. I want to be an educated queen all of a sudden.

Emma's father: That's my girl!


(still shot of the dark tower on Castle TrekWeb.)
(Moves inside the tower. O. Deus is sitting in an evil-looking throne. nobby appears.)

O. Deus: Did the mission go as planned?

nobby: No, Emma and her father both really want to bow to you. In fact, they were planning to do it anyway.

O. Deus: Excellent.

nobby: I was being sarcastic. It was pretty obvious.

O. Deus: I know it was obvious, that's why I said 'excellent.' In any event, it is now time to make the people even more defiant by killing all of the newbies that come along.

nobby: The hills will run red with their blood.

(O. Deus nods and heads out of the tower room.)

nobby: Deus--I am not your servant, I am doing this because I enjoy watching the pain and suffering of others.

O. Deus: You are my servant, though. You're dressed in the same black armor, but without the cape. Also, I am Second-In-Command, and destined to be King of all TrekWeb.

(O. Deus and nobby cackle spontaneously)
(Fade to black)

(The screen opens to show Jayson in a grassy field. Jayson is dressed as a bard and is playing the lute. He sings the TrekWeb: The Epic Miniseries: Episode I Summary.)

Jayson:
Now listen, yon posters, of a time long ago,
When Deus clawed the board, and the scratch marks did show...

Berserker, he posted, reviewed, and defended
When Deus chopped his head off, the gold age, it ended...

Then came Emma, a poster with a heart of pure gold,
She whined about women and never did as told.
All she wanted was to moan endlessly about Star Trek,
Then enter nobby at Evil's call and beck.

The father of Emma was giv'n no first name,
That doesn't matter, the Doc feels the same.
Emma and daddy, persistently replied,
But O. Deus' evil would never subside.

O. Deus demanded that all before him would bow,
Quoth Emma, "To him, I shall never cowtow!"

But old O. Deus knew that her fight was for naught,
Because, as he planned, a huge fight would be fought
All Em's dad wanted was her child to be taught,
But for lack of knowledge, strife would be brought,
All of TrekWeb's posters would soon be distraught,
What Emma hath wrought? A message board clot!
A trap, she's been caught, for she's drawn the wrong lot!

(Jayson bows)
(Fade to black)

TrekWeb: The Epic Miniseries (part 2)

Screenplay by RAMA, Cathy Gale, and Emma Peel

The following is a true story, based upon the events as we see them unfolding on TrekWeb.

(Pans over the village. Cut to Emma Peel walking happily through the village.)
(An Old Woman is standing in front of her own cottage. She yells to Emma.)

Old Woman: Hey, girl! Get the hell over here and help me plant this garden!

Emma: I'm sorry, lady, but I have to get to my house now. My father is expecting me.

Old Woman (mumbling): Planting my garden...

(cut to inside of Emma's house. Emma's father and avenger99, a blond-haired, blue-eyed young man are there.)

(Emma's father and avenger99 stop talking. Both look at Emma, who is upset by avenger99's presence.)

Emma's father: Emma! You're on time for once!

Emma: Yes, father. Avenger...

avenger99: Hello, Emma.

Emma: I'd better get to work on reading my tablets now.

Emma's father: But you finished reading them yesterday! Come here and talk to avenger99 for awhile. He came from all the way across the village to see you!

avenger99: Hello, Emma.

Emma: Father, may I speak with you privately for a moment?

(Emma pulls her father to the other side of the cottage.)

Emma: Father! How could you invite him into our house?

Emma's father: He seems like a nice enough young man. Besides, his family's very wealthy.

Emma: But we're the royal family! Our family's richer than his!

Emma's father: Now, Emma, I won't have any more of that. If you're going to be queen someday, you'll need to marry the right man.

Emma: But avenger99 is such a loser! I couldn't bear to have him be King of all TrekWeb!

Emma's father: All right, now, I don't want to force anything on you. But remember, always follow your heart.

Emma: I will remember, father.

(avenger99 walks into the room.)

avenger99: Hello, Emma.

Emma: Get lost, creep.

avenger99: What have I done to upset you, darling?

Emma: As the young, rebellious heroine, it is my duty to spurn the advances of all men, especially the ones my father picks for me. Good-bye, avenger99.

avenger99: Good-bye, Emma.


(Cut to the grassy hills of TrekWeb. Noel, a young newbie, walks through the hills, not sure where to go.)

(nobby and two other black knights gallop up to Noel on their black horses.)

nobby: Hi there.

Noel: Um, hello. I'm Noel, a newbie.

nobby: You lost?

Noel: Um, I'm not sure. I'm just kind of trying to get my bearings around here. This place looks pretty interesting.

nobby (laughs): It is. (leans forward and points southward.) You'll probably want to go that way. It leads to the village.

Noel: Thanks! I was hoping some nice, friendly people would be around to tell me what to do.

nobby: I think you'll find TrekWeb to be full of all kinds of friendly people. But there's just one other thing you should know...

(Noel walks up to nobby's horse.)

Noel: What's that?

(nobby quickly takes out his sword and slices Noel's head off.)

nobby: TrekWeb no longer welcomes outsiders.

(The three black knights raise their swords into the air and cheer.)


(Still shot of Castle TrekWeb. Cut to inside the Knight Meeting Room.)
(Three knights in silver armor and silver helmets sit at the table. They are RAMA, Stilgar, and Ronnie.)

RAMA: O. Deus has written another episode review.

Ronnie: The fiend...It's not even an episode review. Reading it implies that you've already seen the episode! Who watches episodes before reading the reviews?

Stilgar: Agreed. I remember when Berserker wrote them...I'd read the reviews, and if it was a good review, I'd catch the re-run a few months later.

Ronnie: Berserker is found dead in the dungeon, and O. Deus already has episode reviews prepared. This cannot be a coincidence.

RAMA: We mustn't let ourselves be caught up in rumors. The important thing is that the people of TrekWeb are happy.

Ronnie: But reading Deus' episode reviews makes them all unhappy!

Stilgar: He said himself that he was anti-newbie. If he orders his own knights to assault the newbies, they will no longer be able to grow up into mature, regular posters. And then, the White Knights of TrekWeb will have no successors.

Ronnie: And soon, no one will remain to oppose O. Deus' cruel reign.

RAMA (shaking head): We mustn't lose our cool. Though newbies can mature into regular posters, we cannot forget the Fields of Lurkers, where the invisible tread as they mature. It is just as likely that a lurker may grow up into a mature poster, just as a newbie can.

Stilgar: RAMA, you are indeed wise. However, surely you agree that something must be done to stop O. Deus before his darkness casts a blinding shadow over the hills of TrekWeb.

RAMA: O. Deus has been made Second-in-Command. There is nothing I can do to stop him.

Ronnie: Then we are lost.

RAMA (shaking head again): Never. I will talk to King Krutzler about the situation, and--

(Stilgar and Ronnie moan and groan)

Stilgar: The King does not see what we see! He rarely even leaves Castle TrekWeb to see the people anymore!

RAMA: King Krutzler may be old--

Ronnie: And out of touch.

RAMA: --but he is still in command of TrekWeb. I shall speak with him.


(Overhead shot of the hills of TrekWeb. There is a loud gathering of eight newbies talking with each other and exchanging laughs.)

(Switches to eye-level shot. Behind the smiling newbies, we see three dark knights on horses coming over a hill.)

(The newbies all turn their heads to watch.)

Young Newbie: Hey, look at that! What kind of newbies are those?

Older Newbie: Those must be knights from the castle up north.

Young Newbie: Cool! They're coming this way! Maybe they'll show us the way to the village.

Older Newbie (suddenly less excited): Hmmm...maybe...

(The three black knights, lead by nobby, stop only a few feet away from the crowd of newbies.)

nobby: Hi, there, folks! We don't usually get this many newbies all in one place...

(All Newbies except Older Newbie): Hi!

Young Newbie: Can you tell us the way to the village, where the regular posters live?

nobby (leaning forward and pointing to the south): The village is to the south. I think you'll like it here on TrekWeb.

Newbies (excited): Regular posters! Wow!

nobby: Knights! Why don't we get these newbies moving?

(The knights take out there swords and yell.)

(The two other black knights quickly kill three of the newbies closest to them. All newbies respond in horror.)

nobby (raising sword high into the air and looking at Young Newbie): I'm afraid this message board has all the regular posters it needs, kid!

(As nobby brings his sword down upon the Young Newbie, Older Newbie shoves Young Newbie out of the way and receives the full brunt of the attack across his shoulders.)

Older Newbie (bleeding quickly and in great pain): Newbie! Run to the south! As quickly as you...can...

(The Young Newbie runs quickly to the south.)

(The other two black knights look around at the seven dead newbies lying on the hills.)

nobby: Let him run. His message to the villagers is precisely what we want. And soon, all of TrekWeb will belong to us.


(Cut to inside the village. Young Newbie is running quickly through the town.)

Young Newbie (to Old Woman): Where's the police? Who's in charge?

Old Woman: You don't look familiar. What are you doing here?

Young Newbie: Quickly! I just saw men slaughtered by knights!

Old Woman: Help me plant my garden.

avenger99 (overhearing conversation): What? Where did you see that?

Young Newbie: In the hills of TrekWeb. Seven newbies--all dead.

avenger99 (points to Emma's house): In there--Emma is with the royal family.

(Young Newbie nods and runs straight to Emma's house.)

(Cut to inside Emma's house)

Emma's father: A newbie! What are you doing in here?

Young Newbie: I just saw seven newbies killed by black knights!

Emma's father: Thanks for the message. Now get back to the hills with the rest of the newbies.

Emma: Father, no! (to newbie) You can stay with us. As a member of the royal line, it is my duty to protect the denizens of TrekWeb.

Emma's father: The newbies don't even live here!

Emma: It's our duty as members of the royal family to help those in need!

Emma's father: You can't help everyone with every--

Emma (interrupting): And these people are in need.


(Fade to black)

(The screen opens to show Jayson in a grassy field. Jayson is dressed as a bard and is playing the lute. He sings the TrekWeb: The Epic Miniseries: Episode II Summary.)

Jayson:
Now listen, yon posters, and get ready to feel
The duty and turmoil of a woman named Peel.

Emma wanted to let shine her individuality,
And spurned the avenger due to his abnormality.

Meanwhile, at the castle, the white knights of old
Spoke of Deus as furniture covered with mold.
His in-depth reviews to them were a tear-jerker,
And not like the capsules written by Berserker.
But O. Deus was strong, and Second-in-Command,
To stop his cruel reign, they would need Krutzler's hand.

TrekWeb: The Epic Miniseries (part 3)

Screenplay by RAMA, Cathy Gale, and Emma Peel

The following is a true story, based upon the events as we see them unfolding on TrekWeb.

(Still shot of Castle TrekWeb. Opens to the Throne Room. King Krutzler, an old man with a white beard and golden crown is sitting in the throne. RAMA enters.)

King Krutzler: RAMA! It has been so long since I last saw you.

RAMA: Yes, sire, it has.

King Krutzler: So what brings you here, RAMA?

RAMA: We have important matters to discuss.

King Krutzler (sitting up): We do...?

RAMA: It's...O. Deus. He--

King Krutzler: Not another complaint about O. Deus. What has he done now?

RAMA: Sire, I know how much you hate discussing that man, but it's important.

King Krutzler: What has he done, RAMA?

RAMA: It's the way he's been using his authority since Berserker left us. He's cruel, and he's heartless...

King Krutzler: Berserker...I haven't been able to contact him...

RAMA (nervous): Sire, um, you need to do something about O. Deus. The people are becoming quite agitated by the way he's been acting.

King Krutzler: Has he been morose lately?

RAMA: The people say he's the blackest darkness they've ever seen in a man.

King Krutzler: O. Deus was...an old friend. Never dreamed he'd turn to evil...

RAMA: Then why don't you do something about it? Replace him with someone honest and true! Someone the people can look up to.

King Krutzler: But the people are fine. The people of TrekWeb are the most content of all on the web.

RAMA (frustrated): How would you know? You never see them! You stay locked up in Castle TrekWeb all day while O. Deus runs wild, he's power-thirsty, you can't trust--

King Krutzler: It's been ages since I last walked amongst my people...

RAMA: These--well, these are dangerous times, Majesty.

King Krutzler: No...it's because I'm old...and weak. I feel new in the mornings, but by the evening...I can't seem to remember...

RAMA: The silver knights had been hoping we could have used your help with this problem.

King Krutzler: O. Deus is Second-in-Command...When I am gone, my brother will be King, then his daughter, Emma. Perhaps I should have made you my Second-in-Command, RAMA.

RAMA: No shit.

King Krutzler: I couldn't hear you?

RAMA: You need to get your rest, Majesty.


(Cut to view of the hills of TrekWeb. O. Deus, nobby, two black knights, and Frizzymaster, a scribe, are on horseback, looking for newbies.)

O. Deus: The sunshine...how I hate it.

nobby: You could have waited for nightfall, Deus. There are plenty of newbies around after hours, waiting to be slaughtered by light of the torch.

O. Deus: No. I want them to see my face clearly as I destroy them.

(Frizzymaster writes on his scroll, amazed that they would allow him to overhear the conversation.)

O. Deus: How many newbies have you murdered today, nobby?

nobby: Twelve. Did you write that down, scribe?

Frizzymaster (with look of contempt): Yes.

O. Deus: Twelve. Excellent. The people of the village will fear us greatly when the scribe's records are revealed to the public.

nobby: Scribe, how much has the population of the village dropped today?

Frizzymaster: It has risen by four.

Nameless Black Knight: How can that be? We've wiped out every newbie we've seen!

nobby: The Field of the Lurkers. Posters grow from nothingness in the Field.

O. Deus: Something must be done to the village. Those not worthy of my presence must be eliminated.

nobby: The wheels of our plan are already in motion. Soon, TrekWeb will be nothing more than a barren wasteland, ruled and populated by black knights.

(Everyone except Frizzymaster simultaneously bursts into evil laughter.)

(Cut to still shot of Castle TrekWeb. Opens to Throne Room. King Krutzler sits in the throne. Frizzymaster enters.)

King Krutzler: Ah, scribe! What do you have to share today?

Frizzymaster: Bad news, I'm afraid.

King Krutzler: I see.

Frizzymaster: O. Deus and his black knights have been killing newbies in the hills of TrekWeb.

King Krutzler: Scaring them off, perhaps?

Frizzymaster: They slice off their heads and leave the newbies' bodies to rot as their original post scrolls slowly off of the message board.

King Krutzler: How many of them?

Frizzymaster: Twelve newbies in the last two days. Sire, you must do something to show the people that you stil care about them!

King Krutzler: I am too old and weak to rule. O. Deus is in command for now.

Frizzymaster: Surely something could be done to protect the newbies, to make them feel more comfortable, or to get to the village more quickly?

King Krutzler: I don't know what you speak of.

Frizzymaster: The Castle Inventor, jasonb. Surely he could create some form of protection!

King Krutzler: Jasonb is corrupt and unreliable.

Frizzymaster: Sire?

King Krutzler: I'll never forget the first time I saw him do evil...He told me he would have the new board created in two weeks. Yet they passed, and the board was not complete. When I confronted him, he said he needed more time. But soon I discovered that he had completed the board in one week, and merely pretended to work for three weeks with full pay...

Frizzymaster: Sire, listen, O. Deus and his knights--

King Krutzler: Jasonb has always had a twisted, mad genius...Only, in my youth and optimism, I did not see the madness.

Frizzymaster: Sire, when the people see my latest report, they will become very disturbed by the ruthless killing of newbies taking place. You must protect them. The people may rise up against thee!

King Krutzler (drifting off to sleep): The people...do you remember the beginning...?

Frizzymaster: Sire, I wasn't here in the...

King Krutzler: The people were...so excited...a brand new website for them in which to live...I haven't seen that excitement in their eyes for many years...Do you remember them, Berserker?

Frizzymaster: You need to get your rest, Majesty.

(Fade to black)

(The screen opens to show Jayson in a grassy field. Jayson is dressed as a bard and is playing the lute. He sings the TrekWeb: The Epic Miniseries: Episode III Summary.)

Jayson:
Now listen, yon posters, and get ready to fear,
A dark tribulation, a shadow draws near...

O. Deus in command, the stage has been set,
A terrible time which we'd rather forget.
The King proves he's useless, in matters of command,
Deus lusts for power, and more he demands.

The black knights give all of the newbies dark trauma,
Why couldn't King Krutzler give the power to RAMA?

TrekWeb's bold scribe, the young Frizzymaster,
Writes down the figures, which point to disaster.
The people soon cry, the people soon scream,
The TrekWeb of old will soon seem like a dream.

A bloodbath in the hills, from the knights of O. Deus',
And the King's only response is more old excuses.

Will Krutzler wake up, and decide he must stop him?
Or will TrekWeb's last peace lie in his coffin?

(Jayson bows.)
(Fade to black.)

TrekWeb: The Epic Miniseries (part 4)

Screenplay by RAMA, Cathy Gale, and Emma Peel

The following is a true story, based upon the events as we see them unfolding on TrekWeb.

(View of TrekWeb Village. A huge crowd is gathering around the Posting Tower, where Frizzymaster posts his weekly report.)

(Emma Peel drags her father across the crowd by the hand.)

Emma: Everyone out of my way! Everyone clear out! I want to read the report!

(The crowd opens up a way through for Emma and her father.)

Emma (reading): Thirteen newbies...slaughtered by the black knights. Under the command of O. Deus himself!

Emma's father: He's gone too far...!

Emma (continues reading): And anyone who houses a newbie, especially a Young Newbie, will be put to death by order of...O. Deus! That wicked man!

Emma's father: Wow. I can't believe Frizzymaster wrote "O. Deus! That wicked man!" on his public posting.

Emma: Father, we won't hand over the Young Newbie to O. Deus and his knights, will we?

Emma's father: Of course not.

Emma: And we won't bow down to O. Deus as he passes through the town, will we?

Emma's father: Emma...please keep your voice down. Everyone can hear you.

Emma: I am not afraid of anything.

(CathyGale, a friend of Emma's, runs through the crowd.)

CathyGale: Emma! Emma! There you are!

Emma: Cathy! Have you read Frizzymaster's report?

CathyGale: Yes! Can you believe that O. Deus is killing newbies?

Emma: I told you he was Pure Darkness.

(A trumpet sounds. Three more trumpets join in, playing a short tune in a minor key.)

Emma's father: O. Deus has come to the village!

(O. Deus, nobby, and two black knights ride into town on black horses. Each carries a trumpet.)

nobby (yelling): Make way for Second-in-Command O. Deus!

(Three trumpets sound again.)

nobby (yelling): By order of Second-in-Command O. Deus, everyone will now bow down to Second-in-Command O. Deus! Except those on horseback.

(Everyone bows, except for Emma and Emma's father.)

Emma's father: I hope you don't think I'm a bad father, Emma.

Emma: What do you mean?

Emma's father: Well, so far I've made you read tablets, forced a Nazi on you, and encouraged you to break the law.

Emma: Oh, daddy, I was going to break the law anyway.

(O. Deus and the black knights ride up to Emma & Father.)

O. Deus: Who dares not bow down to O. Deus?

Emma (confused): You don't recognize the members of the royal family?

nobby (charges forward): You dare reply to your Second-in-Command?!

(O. Deus holds one hand in the air. nobby steps back.)

O. Deus: Emma Peel, as a member of the royal family, it is your duty to set a good example for the rest of the kingdom.

Emma: I believe I am--

O. Deus (interrupting): And in the end, it is the people who always pay the price for a bad influence!

(O. Deus draws his sword. He quickly slices the head off of CathyGale, who was still bowing.)

Emma (in shock): You...!

(The crowd gasps. Emma's father takes Emma by the shoulders and steadies her.)

nobby (shouting): All hail O. Deus!

The Crowd (still recovering from shock): All hail O. Deus.

nobby (shouting even more loudly): All hail O. Deus!

The Crowd (shouting): All hail O. Deus!

(The black knights turn around and ride north to Castle TrekWeb.)

Emma's father: Emma, I'm sorry...I had no idea.

(Emma crouches down next to CathyGale's carcass.)

Emma (sobbing): Oh, Cathy...It's all my fault...

Old Woman: Dry those tears, honey...And come help me plant my garden.

Emma's father: Shut up, you old hag! Can't you see she's upset about having her best friend killed?

(Emma bawls.)


(Still shot of Castle TrekWeb. Opens to throne room. King Krutzler sits in his throne. jasonb, the inventor, enters the room.)

King Krutzler: jason! It has been awhile, hasn't it?

jasonb: Not really.

King Krutzler: I'm sorry...I'm having a hard time remembering time now.

jasonb: I bet.

King Krutzler: So, what have you to show me today? A new invention?

(jasonb pulls the model from behind his back. It is a square piece of wood with dozens of tiny guillotines next to each other.)

jasonb: Voila! I call it the TrekWeb Exterminator.

King Krutzler (worried): What does it do?

jasonb: This machine casts death upon scores of posters all at the touch of one button.

King Krutzler: But...We don't execute posters very often. And certainly not that many at once.

jasonb (enthusiasm intensifying): No, no, but look! When the people see this unveiled, they'll know that we have the ability to destroy them all quickly, and the chances that they'll involve themselves in any kind of mob violence or a mass overthrow of the kingdom will lessen exponentially, and besideswich, if we--

King Krutzler (interrupting): It's a nice thought, jason, but impractical.

jasonb: But that's just it, it's not meant to be used, it's the threat of its use where its real power shines through!

King Krutzler: I appreciate the effort, jason, but I don't think we'll ever need to execute that many posters at once.

jasonb (speechless for a moment): Yes...Your Majesty. I promise I won't secretly build it anyway.


(Switches to Knight Meeting Room. The silver knights RAMA, Ronnie, and Stilgar are seated at the table.)

RAMA: I'm afraid I had no success with the King.

Stilgar: Damnit. I knew the King was just Deus' sock puppet.

RAMA (looking intently at Stilgar): Let us not forget that he was once a great man.

Ronnie: But what difference does that make today? O. Deus is King.

RAMA (pounding fist on table): I shall never for one instant accept that!

Stilgar: No, RAMA's right. We cannot fold. Just as the current regime has crumbled, the dark knights will be vanquished also.

Ronnie: We will ride against the dark knights.

RAMA (shaking head): That's not an option. Our cause is just, but they have great power.

Stilgar: The dark knights are strong because they are unified in Evil. The only way to defeat them is from within.

RAMA: What are you suggesting, Stilgar?

Stilgar: I will gain O. Deus' favor and pretend to join the dark knights. Once the timing is right, I will strike from within, and cripple them.

Ronnie: That's madness! And what will you do if they ask you to take an innocent newbie's life?

Stilgar: If the life of one newbie is the price of TrekWeb's future happiness, then so be it.

Ronnie (mumbling): ...already corrupted by their evil...

Stilgar: I shall never allow myself to be drawn into their evil.

Ronnie: And how can we be sure that you will not be enticed by their promise of power? Once you gain O. Deus' favor?

Stilgar: I made an oath by the silver armor. I shall never forget it.

Ronnie: It's very simple, Stilgar. What this kingdom needs is not another dark knight. When the people see you riding with the Black Darkness, they will see the tide of the website turning in their favor. We need you supporting the forces of righteousness, now more than ever.

RAMA: Stilgar, it's too dangerous. I will not allow it. I cannot allow it.

Stilgar: I'd like to make one thing quite clear. Neither of you is my king. Krutzler is king, and TrekWeb's good is what I serve. And I shall serve it the best way I know how.

(Stilgar gets up from the table and leaves the Knight Meeting Room.)

Ronnie: Madness. His plan will fail.

RAMA (nodding, then looking at Ronnie): And we shall pray every night that it won't.


(Fade to black)

(The screen opens to show Jayson in a grassy field. Jayson is dressed as a bard and is playing the lute. He sings the TrekWeb: The Epic Miniseries: Episode IV Summary.)

Jayson:
Now listen, yon posters, of a time of great strife,
As Frizzymaster said, gone was innocent life.

Emma and the village entered denial,
But no one could deny that O. Deus was vile.
As surely as the innocent blood had been spilled,
With blood-boiling rage, Emma was filled.

The royal family refused to obey,
And soon CathyGale was the one made to pay.
Down to her knees, the sad Emma would mourn,
While Old Woman ordered her help plant her corn.

What else would occur amidst all this tyranny,
But another twisted machine from mad jasonb.
jasonb begged the king approve satirically,
While plans made to build it appeared esoterically.

The forces of good in the castle were silver,
While I just remembered no words rhyme with silver.
On how to begin, they could not unite,
Will Stilgar succeed or succumb to the night?

(Jayson bows)
(Fade to black)